10 signs you’re a Republican congressman

A small list of signs that I, as a Canadian, think fit the republican profile quite well ;)

  1. You say that gay people live an immoral and sinful life, but you enjoy the occasional bathroom reach-around.
  2. You argue that every life is precious to justify your opposition to abortion, yet you support death penalty and oppose stem-cell research which could potentially save thousands of people.
  3. You support the war in Iraq, but you found a way to avoid going to Viet-Nam when it was your time to fight for your country.
  4. You present yourself as a pro-family candidate, but you cheat on your wife with the underage babysitter.
  5. You speak of America as a beacon of freedom and liberty, but you support every bill that takes away those freedoms and liberties in the name of the global war against terrorism and national security.
  6. You say the penalties for consuming marijuana should be more severe, even though you smoked plenty of pot in your youth.
  7. Despite overwhelming evidence to support it, you don’t believe in evolution. You do, however, believe in creationism, even if there is not a shred of evidence to support it.
  8. You do not hire the best and the brightest, you give jobs to your friends and people who share your point of view.
  9. You were opposed to the war in Kosovo during the Clinton administration, citing the lack of clear objectives or an exit strategy and the tragedy to American families, yet you fail to see the irony about the war in Iraq (which you support, as already mentioned.)
  10. You think getting a blowjob is grounds for impeachment, but illegal wiretapping, lying to the American people, torture, etc. are just fine and dandy.
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4 thoughts on “10 signs you’re a Republican congressman

  1. Yes, yes, all in good fun. Politicians are scum – their rhetoric has to match the beliefs of the people who vote for them even if their actions do not. Voters are Conservative or Liberal but politicians are Republican or Democratic. Bar debates frequently devolve into “My angels are better than your devils” which is true but not very interesting.

    Have fun with the top-10 list but remember that all congress critters are compromised. 535 men (house + senate) allocate 3 trillion dollars annually. The spoils are so great that no honest man could get elected. And they aren’t.

  2. 10 signs You’re a Democratic Congressman

    1. You imply that republicans enjoy bathroom reach-arounds while Bill Clinton is getting a BJ in the oval office.

    2. You’re numbingly blind to others positions on abortion. The right says no abortion because the bible says “thou shalt not kill”, the bible also says that he who does will be punished “an eye for an eye”, therefore if you kill you will be killed. I think that answers stem cell research as well, which MAY help thousands of people and has just as good of odds as NOT helping thousands of people.

    3. You supported the war in Iraq when you needed to politically, but now it’s not cool to support it so you don’t.

    4. You too, say that you’re pro-family, but you cheat on your wife with a teenage prostitute.

    5. Reading miranda rights to a terroist detainee that’s not a US citizen, even though such thing has never been done in the history of the world, is a higher priority than actually fighting the war on terrorism, but instead tell soldiers that they’re “cracking under pressure and killing innocent people”; to a group of exonnerated soldiers.

    6. You smoked marijuanna but never inhaled? But Barack definately smoked marijuanna AND inhaled, I’m glad that he could at least break the law correctly.

    7. Despite the very little and pathetic evidence to support evolution from a monkey, you still insist that it’s “proven”. And despite the even further lack of evidence of where the MONKEY came from, the bible has eye witness accounts to events that have been verified in large part by the Dead Sea Scrolls. Either way, NOBODY knows.

    8. You do not hire the best and the brightest, you give jobs to your friends and people who share your point of view; until people find out that they’re crazy……what’s that Reverand Wright? What’s that Bill Ayers? What’s that Franklin Reigns? The Treasurer of the United States of America had to pay back taxes because he didn’t file correctly!

    9. Because of your opposition to the war you put a target on your own troops by pushing for the release of detainee photos that every general and the CIA said would significantly increase aggresion towards US troops. You say that troops “cracked and killed innocent people” before their trial, until evidence came out showing that the troops were being fired on by the so call “innocent people”, and the troops were exhonnerated (as previously mentioned). And you do all this after voting for them to go to said war.

    10. Even though Bill Clinton got a BJ in the oval office, lied to the American people about it, allowed Navy Seals to be waterboarded, and wasn’t smart enough to give agents the ability to cut through red tape and use sound judgment on wire tapping phones, you still think he’s the bomb; furthermore, you fail to see the irony in everything you said. It all could be said for the dems. But’s it’s a good blog post and is pretty funny, I’ll give it that.

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